I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
