so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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