I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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