I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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