he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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