babies were throwing up all over the place
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
