Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
