I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize