I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize