so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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