If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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