When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
