she was so not down for the gang bang
okay pat passed out under dana's car
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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