i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
