Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. š
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a āfireplaceā station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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