You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I need to calm my uterus...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
