He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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