You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
