he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
