Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
