You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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