Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
soo... how was my night?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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