that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
