You smell like a Billy Joel song
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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