it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
