i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
