white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
