Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
