I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
