just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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