sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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