Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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