omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
