ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
