I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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