just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize