i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize