Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
