New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
