Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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