Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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