so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
