It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
