My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
