I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
