my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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