Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Found the puke drawer
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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