I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
