Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
