So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
