conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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