god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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