I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
