one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
