so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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