dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
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