BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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