so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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