please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize