All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
